SOS

Countless red and white sparks

Broken apart by cement barriers

The flicker nearly in unison

Sending out a cry of help

Like an SOS for nature

Metamorphosis

The duet fills my home

With their convictions

And I dance

Cooking and singing along

Feeling the strength

Building inside

Of my very own chest

I feel the passion

Returning and burning

Beholding my own

Metamorphosis

Being reminded

Remembering who I am

Behind the stress

.

Remembering who I want to be

Without other lives expectations

.

It will mean having to say

That dreaded goodbye to some

People and things

But already I am lifted

From this reminding

Countdown

The countdown has begun

Another day marked off

On the mental calendar

That of late reminds me of

The little engine that could

I think I can, I think I can

.

To get through the hurdle

To smile at the end

At the prize and the goal

.

I think I can, I think I can

The countdown is nearly over.

Heavy

Heavy and thick

I sit bloated and swollen

The thwunk of the uneven road

Lulling my eyes

Already heavy with unnatural colour

Lower and lower

So I feel the tickle of my lashes

Against the skin beneath my eyes

Restringing

Viciously removed

Unplucked and unwound

To the rhythm of someone else's desires

There is a hollow sound

With each movement

And breath

And then a silence

Tick

Tick

Tick

Slowly the packets are opened

One at a time

The care given with strong

Agile hands

Caring and knowing

One by one they restring

Soothe and heal

Coffee

Too long it has been

The bitter sweet taste

Upon the tip of my tongue

It caresses my mouth

Like a long lost lover

And sends my nerves into heaven

Decisions

Hooks of dirty rusted steel

Bite into my flesh

And send me soaring into

An agony that cannot be relieved

Through itching or ignoring

I feel my limbs start to give

The pain and ache too much

For this frame to bare

Another piece is taken

Sickness

With her fevered brow and pink cheeks

She clenches her tiny fist

And holds tight to my shirt with all her might

Her strength ebbs and fades

But the fist remains clenched

To her new found security

I kiss her forehead and feel the heat

It radiates with unnatural power

As her head pushes closer to my chest

"I know honey!" I whisper

As I begin to rock back and forth

Feeling impotent to her tears

Hope

The teetering steps

And the smile

That spreads across the entire face

When nothing seems certain

And you question everything

That open honesty calms the nerves

The steps, uncertain but excited

Come closer

And I drop to my knees

Hands rest and cling

At the edges of my shoulders

And I squeeze back

Pain

Sharp and needle point

My eyes squint

And my muscles tense

Nature poem

The world breathes
Out and in, in and out
And then the pause of its held breath

I let out my own held gasp
And sink back into
The blessed silence

Nature had awoken
And along with it
My own unworthy self

The drive home hed my chest
Clenched between
Pleading hands, begging

The poet within

I have set myself a new goal ... A poem a day!!! I have tossed and turned the idea, making excuses like 'when the new month starts' etc.

Today I stop and say ... Hell no, we begin now.

Here is a poem inspired by my latest adventure - out to visit my partners cousin

*****

It wipes across the darkness

A milky smudge of

An error or a highlighting

The pinpricks

Stand their ground

And shine through

Only out here I think

As I gawp at the lights

I have missed

I suck up their sight, their presence

Trying to memorize

Every twinkle and place

Resist

Must resist the urge to curl up in to a ball of wallowing self pity and defecating self-esteem!!!

To new perspectives

There is a strange sensation going on in my existence right now ... A shift in the tectonic plates of my very small world of existence ... And for once I am not afraid. For once I am truly excited. It's a late blooming of this thing they call growing up, I'm aware of it ... And at first I was angry at the implications that until now, I have not in fact grown up, but perhaps it is correct. I am re-establishing myself and my perspectives, my priorities and discovering what it truly means (to be a D.E.B) to put things in to perspective. I guess the only thing that worries me, in finding this better perspective, is that I might lose some of the aspects of this younger, childish self that I have truly come to love. Perhaps that's all simply part of the journey ... Deciding which things to keep and which to let go of, in order to truly be able to embrace this new most exciting chapter of my existence. To let go the old hurts, and the old extremely unhealthy needs and believe in myself alone! I'm sure there will be days I still crumble, but I am working on making myself strong enough and prepared enough to deal with them. Neen.C