Sickness

With her fevered brow and pink cheeks

She clenches her tiny fist

And holds tight to my shirt with all her might

Her strength ebbs and fades

But the fist remains clenched

To her new found security

I kiss her forehead and feel the heat

It radiates with unnatural power

As her head pushes closer to my chest

"I know honey!" I whisper

As I begin to rock back and forth

Feeling impotent to her tears

Hope

The teetering steps

And the smile

That spreads across the entire face

When nothing seems certain

And you question everything

That open honesty calms the nerves

The steps, uncertain but excited

Come closer

And I drop to my knees

Hands rest and cling

At the edges of my shoulders

And I squeeze back

Pain

Sharp and needle point

My eyes squint

And my muscles tense

Nature poem

The world breathes
Out and in, in and out
And then the pause of its held breath

I let out my own held gasp
And sink back into
The blessed silence

Nature had awoken
And along with it
My own unworthy self

The drive home hed my chest
Clenched between
Pleading hands, begging

The poet within

I have set myself a new goal ... A poem a day!!! I have tossed and turned the idea, making excuses like 'when the new month starts' etc.

Today I stop and say ... Hell no, we begin now.

Here is a poem inspired by my latest adventure - out to visit my partners cousin

*****

It wipes across the darkness

A milky smudge of

An error or a highlighting

The pinpricks

Stand their ground

And shine through

Only out here I think

As I gawp at the lights

I have missed

I suck up their sight, their presence

Trying to memorize

Every twinkle and place

Resist

Must resist the urge to curl up in to a ball of wallowing self pity and defecating self-esteem!!!

To new perspectives

There is a strange sensation going on in my existence right now ... A shift in the tectonic plates of my very small world of existence ... And for once I am not afraid. For once I am truly excited. It's a late blooming of this thing they call growing up, I'm aware of it ... And at first I was angry at the implications that until now, I have not in fact grown up, but perhaps it is correct. I am re-establishing myself and my perspectives, my priorities and discovering what it truly means (to be a D.E.B) to put things in to perspective. I guess the only thing that worries me, in finding this better perspective, is that I might lose some of the aspects of this younger, childish self that I have truly come to love. Perhaps that's all simply part of the journey ... Deciding which things to keep and which to let go of, in order to truly be able to embrace this new most exciting chapter of my existence. To let go the old hurts, and the old extremely unhealthy needs and believe in myself alone! I'm sure there will be days I still crumble, but I am working on making myself strong enough and prepared enough to deal with them. Neen.C