Nature poem

The world breathes
Out and in, in and out
And then the pause of its held breath

I let out my own held gasp
And sink back into
The blessed silence

Nature had awoken
And along with it
My own unworthy self

The drive home hed my chest
Clenched between
Pleading hands, begging

The poet within

I have set myself a new goal ... A poem a day!!! I have tossed and turned the idea, making excuses like 'when the new month starts' etc.

Today I stop and say ... Hell no, we begin now.

Here is a poem inspired by my latest adventure - out to visit my partners cousin

*****

It wipes across the darkness

A milky smudge of

An error or a highlighting

The pinpricks

Stand their ground

And shine through

Only out here I think

As I gawp at the lights

I have missed

I suck up their sight, their presence

Trying to memorize

Every twinkle and place

Resist

Must resist the urge to curl up in to a ball of wallowing self pity and defecating self-esteem!!!

To new perspectives

There is a strange sensation going on in my existence right now ... A shift in the tectonic plates of my very small world of existence ... And for once I am not afraid. For once I am truly excited. It's a late blooming of this thing they call growing up, I'm aware of it ... And at first I was angry at the implications that until now, I have not in fact grown up, but perhaps it is correct. I am re-establishing myself and my perspectives, my priorities and discovering what it truly means (to be a D.E.B) to put things in to perspective. I guess the only thing that worries me, in finding this better perspective, is that I might lose some of the aspects of this younger, childish self that I have truly come to love. Perhaps that's all simply part of the journey ... Deciding which things to keep and which to let go of, in order to truly be able to embrace this new most exciting chapter of my existence. To let go the old hurts, and the old extremely unhealthy needs and believe in myself alone! I'm sure there will be days I still crumble, but I am working on making myself strong enough and prepared enough to deal with them. Neen.C

Looking

I am looking for some peace of mind, searching for stability and a calm that isn't the deep intake of breath before a rage filled uncontrollable storm. I am my mothers opposite. She loves the adventure of change. For me, change is the most terrifying thing in the world. Change in my life has rarely occurred without a tearing of another piece of my soul. I see and sense the change on the horizon. I cling to my soul like a daemon.

Obligatory

Yes it's true ... It's time for that yearly reflection on the life that is and was 2011!
What a year!
I got married - without the law backing us up, but with family who love and support us. The reception will be next year, as the circumstances surrounding the wedding weren't entirely the most joyful ... no, I wasn't knocked up but wow that would have solved a lot of future problems, lol
My father (not-) in law passed away and it felt and still feels as though a lot of the world has come to a screeching halt. We deal with it the only way we know how, and some days are better then others.
I left a job that was not so slowly crushing my soul and now have a job where I get to embrace the crazier, more joyful side of myself ... I'm so utterly looking forward to working in the baby baby room next year with two other wonderful people.
We moved into a house we love, no longer surrounded by abuse and the smell of pot. And I daily face demons of the past to embrace a healthier and happier version of myself.
So, to you 2011 ... thank you for the joys and steps in a happy future, goodbye to the demons of the year that have tortured it ...
Why hello 2012 ... I didn't see you there
:-D
Neen
xx

Melissa

Yesterday I found out that Melissa Etheridge is finally touring in Australia next year, the tickets going on sale next week. I'm so excited, but it seems so trivial to just say that I love her, and her music, or that I idolise the woman.

There is so much more than that.

When I was 12 years old, my life was set to change forever. I realised that I was a lesbian, I realised at the same time that my life would not be an easy road to travel ... I was gay, living in a small country town where near half the population were cousins or other such relatives, being brought up to believe in the beliefs of the Mormon religion. I found the voice and music and the amazing strength of Melissa Etheridge.

Since then, I have leant on her, cried with her and found a companion in a stranger who has helped me to believe in myself and even more importantly, despite the trials I have been put against in my life, after all of that I still believe in this world, and love and happiness!

Thank you Melissa, I can't wait to pay tribute to you in person

Neen